Anyone lived in a Pretty How Town

2 days in a roll, confirmed the struggle I had in my mind all these years.
Faced the truth that I ran away from,
now, at a loss to my plans.

Last year, I figured out that one had too many choices. The choice between freedom and responsibilities, and rights and duties, how could I do what I should and would do. How could I face myself, as I see myself drowning in my shadows. It's an empty shell, no, it's a confusion, based on nothing, yes, which leaves an empty shell, no.

I was torn apart between what I should do and what I would like to do, and I knew I'm doing what I should do and it couldnt bring me up any higher, nor do I feel the happiness blooming in Spring. Winter came, and there's no news, of the happiness that I looked for. Spring has come again, yet nothing bloom, and now the fallen leaves, might be my doom.

I grown up to think that I want to be someone, to be somebody, not nobody, nor anybody. But I ended up being nothing, without a body. I'm formless, filling any shapes, any mould, anything I was told. Then nobody seemed so useless, and I thought, I dont wanna be nobody. But deep in my heart, I just want to be nobody, and I want to be a nobody that could make everybody happy. Then I realised, nobody cared whether this nobody could make anybody, somebody or everybody happy. And nobody stayed as nobody, as nobody cared for nobody.

Love and dreams cannot co-exist. Nobody chose love, but force themselves to be somebody, hence tried chasing their dreams. In the end, their mind couldnt follow their dreams cuz their heart was trapped in love, and they ended nowhere, and reached this state of confusion: where am I? what am I? what should I do?

I cried, because I know what I should do but I couldnt do it. I know that if I continue walking, I would lose myself. But, I need to pursue my dreams, even though I know I would choose love, because it was only rational that dreams are bigger than love at this stage. I dreamt of my happy days ahead, what's life without love, but then I realised, I dont deserve it and I cant carry it with me. Love, is something that I could only leave behind, not something I could carry at the same time, at least, for now.

And yes, I could be back on my feet, anytime and any moment, and already am, but that doesnt mean I'm living a fruitful life. My only wish was to be able to be there for my friends who need me, and then I realised, nobody needed me even though I cared for nobody, because no one wants to be nobody.

I urged, all of you, to follow your heart, that's the key to a fruitful life. Why fulfil Status Quo when it always keeps changing? Who are you trying to please? And, do society care?

Somebody and everybody forget that love exists, and forget how to love and how to live which causes them to live this life of going through the motions and becoming this loveless, lifeless society. And anyone and nobody leads a fruitful life, with love and passion for life, overcoming the lifeless society.