letter and lock

i've received a letter from my youngest cousin. so cute, but it makes me ponder over alot of things.

maybe, i've really forgotten about malaysia.
the people in malaysia to be specific.
im going so busy, so to maintain the tempo, the tempo that i'm doing things and suddenly, when i have nothing to do, i feel, weird and outta place.
in her letter, she mentioned that my grandma wanna stay with her son, which is my dad.
i dunno how my dad would feel after reading that, i could feel his sorrow somehow.
because, i dun feel good either..
it's last stage cancer that we're talking about now..

i know how much i hate urban, how much i wish to go to the countryside or maybe some really undeveloped place to live, but i know that's not possible.
no matter how much i hate my current life,
i cant really do anything about it..
i gotta keep hanging on,
that's life isnt it?
maybe having peace once in a while is good,
which is why im looking forward to the odac trip to yunnan..

i wanted to quit odac,
because i know i have too much things on my plate.
but, when i saw the pictures of the yunnan trip near the bookshop there,
i couldnt help it,
im just so attracted to it..

maybe SC might be too heavy for me,
but im really gonna make it through..
i WANT it,
because i want to change the school.
i no longer want to sit back and do nothing, and see my friends getting upset over school. i dun wanna know about the regrets that my friends have in choosing dhp, i just want to make everyone feel right, i just hope there will be a really great school spirit. and the only way i can do that, is to join council.

many asked, why did i lock my blog?
i just wanted my thoughts to be kept close to people who cares about me.
so if there are people who wanna read my blog, just request for it (:
i'll allow it.
but i doubt anyone would read though.
and the second reason is,
my blog is about my thoughts,
and usually it's emo.
but i just dun want people to know about the emo me.
i do keep a diary. heh.
sorry friends, to cause you trouble signing in ><